Okay, it's occurred to me with all the talk surrounding 6-6-06 and the "possible" demonic satanic components it could impart upon the world....that there is a much greater danger lurking and surrounding us that we face each and every day...often without much thought to what danger we are TRULY in!
I mean, we all know much is made of Hell and the Devil in literature and modern day speech. (I'm Southern Baptist and I DO believe there is a heaven and a hell)... you can have the spouse from hell, the Devil might make you "do it", the road hell is often paved with good intentions and hell is reportedly (according to a lot of people) going to freeze purely over before they will EVER admit they are wrong or go out on another blind date!
I have, however...decided that even MORE insidious than all of these combined...More dire than the Devil OR Damien's possible arrival tomorrow...is ....
(Can you GUESS??)
Yes...it's the infamous....
HELL HATH NO FURY LIKE A WOMAN SCORNED ON PMS!!!
Men, (and if you're honest ladies) we ALL know that we weave our way through this deadly minefield EACH and every day. It is always lying in wait like a snake ready to bite. You never know from moment to moment if a woman in a mad fit of PMS or that has just been dumped by her FIFTH boyfriend in a week is ready to strike some unsuspecting prey.
So, rather than spend all day tomorrow worrying because of a few 6's falling on the same day, here's a bit of good news! You can instead worry about tangible things that can and probably will happen to you somewhere over the course of your lifetime WITHOUT the benefit of prior warning such as a date..
Without further ado...here are a few little tidbits of prior PMS or Scorned women stories to better prepare you on how to navigate through life. Be careful...it's DANGEROUS out there!! *wink*
13 Things PMS Stands For
1. Pass My Shotgun
2. Psychotic Mood Shift
3. Perpetual Munching Spree
4. Puffy Mid-Section
5. People Make me Sick
6. Provide Me with Sweets
7. Pardon My Sobbing
8. Pimples May Surface
9. Pass My Sweatpants
10. Pissy Mood Syndrome
11. Plainly, Men Stink
12. Pack My Stuff And my favorite one...
13. Potential Murder Suspect
(notice there are 13? Coincidence? I think not!!)
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A man claims his ex-girlfriend owes him more than $30,000 for gluing his genitals to his abdomen five years ago.
``This was not just some petty domestic squabble,'' attorney Grey Pratt told a Westmoreland County jury Wednesday. His client, Kenneth Slaby of Pittsburgh, is suing Gail O'Toole of Murrysville. His lawsuit claims the two broke up in 1999 after dating for 10 months and Slaby began dating someone else.
Slaby contends that O'Toole invited him over to her home on May 7, 2000, where he fell asleep. He woke up to find that O'Toole had used Super Glue to stick his genitals to his abdomen, glued his buttocks together and spelled out a profanity on his back in nail polish. Slaby said O'Toole told him it was payback for their breakup, and he had to walk a mile to a gas station to call for help. He pressed charges and O'Toole pleaded guilty to misdemeanor assault and served six months' probation.
O'Toole's attorney, Chuck Evans, said it was a consensual act and Slaby wasn't permanently damaged. ``This is a case that should have been left in the bedroom,'' he said.
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Woman 'tore off ex-lover's testicle'
Jan 11 2005
A jilted woman has admitted ripping off her ex-lover's testicle with her bare hands after he refused to have sex with her.
Jan 11 2005
A jilted woman has admitted ripping off her ex-lover's testicle with her bare hands after he refused to have sex with her.
Amanda Monti, 24, flew into a rage after her ex-boyfriend, 37-year-old Geoffrey Jones, rejected her advances at the end of a drunken house party. She yanked off his left testicle, which was later handed to him by a friend with the words: "That's yours."
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P.M.S. - Yes, hell hath no fury like a woman scorned, but hell also hath no unpredictability like a woman with PMS. Simply put, don’t mess with a PMS-ing driver.
With their “I’m-pre-menstrual-therefore-I-can-kill-anyone-now-and-get-off-with-a-warning” attitude, a cutesy looking Herbie could easily become a weapon of death and destruction at the hands of a PMSer.
Suffice to say, these women form the bulk of female tailgaters and drivers most likely to swerve suddenly into your lane, forcing you either to get out of their way or put those emergency braking lessons to good use.
Either way, it should be mandatory that these women attach “I’m PMSing. Please give way or DIE! ” stickers to their rear window so that unsuspecting drivers may keep a safe 5 car lengths away. All hail the Queen of the road!
Women can, and love to multitask - It’s as if a girl's extra ‘X’ chromosome contains a multitasking gene that allows women to do a number of things simultaneously, without compromising any aspect of their tasks at hand. They can talk, write, put on make-up all at the same time and still look like they just stepped out of a beauty shop.
But ladies, just because you can doesn’t mean you should. And as a human with only two arms, two legs and one brain, there’s only so much that one can manage before saturation point is reached, and focus gets lost in an exercise in ambidexterity.
Hence, with one hand on the wheel and the other clutching a tube of lipstick, it is of no surprise that women are often the main culprits of road-hogging. Driving at a miserly 60mph on an expressway, these female drivers drive you nuts (pun intended) with their grandmotherly pace and multitasking habits. Two words: Just drive.
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Warning signs to look for...
You or your Mate Might Have PMS If...
1. Everyone around you has an attitude problem.
2. You're adding chocolate chips to your cheese omelet.
3. The dryer has shrunk every last pair of your jeans.
4. Your husband is suddenly agreeing to everything you say.
5. You're using your cell phone to dial up every bumper sticker that says, "How's my driving? Call 1-800-555-5555"
6. Everyone's head looks like an invitation to batting practice.
7. You're convinced there's a God and he's male.
8. You're counting down the days until menopause.
9. You're sure that everyone is scheming to drive you crazy.
10. The Ibuprofen bottle is empty and you just bought it yesterday.
11. To you, the initials "PMS" stand for "Punish Men Severely."
A few last words of warning...
It's been determined that it's a bad idea to give chocolate to a woman with PMS. It can worsen the condition.
However, it's an even WORSE idea to try to take AWAY chocolate from a woman with PMS or that has been scorned....(Keep in mind that whole "Hell Hath No Fury Thingy")
Forget stocking up on toilet paper, bread and batteries...I'd go raid Hagen Daas and Russell Stover and horde the REAL survival supplies needed that will help you outlast any worldwide catastrophe that has all the women going nuts at the same time...just in case!
(oh, maybe grab the batteries too...they do come in "handy") *grin*
Have a happy safe 6-6-06...May the Force be With You!
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