Much Ado About Nothing - August 07, 2007

Have you ever had too much to say and ended up not saying any of it? (no, Kath...it's just YOU)
Hi, I'm Sassy and it's been a week since my last blog.

As Lynn, my sainted Amazon heighted twin will tell you, I am rarely at a loss for words (shhhhhhh...I know I put it delicately, it's not like I talk a lot or anything ). If there was a sitcom soundtrack here, you'd hear the Yankee literally laughing his butt off and hoping I wasn't going to be hit with lightning for that one. I have been known to talk to brick walls at times. (Yes, occasionally they DO answer me, thank you very much)

Over the past week, I've been winding down summer. Now, keep in mind it will be hot to warm all the way until Thanksgiving, but when school goes back in session, it's the official end of summer whether it feels like it or not. Classes start again here on Monday, so the readjustment to a more regimented schedule begins. I'm never ready for it...not for myself or the kids to go back. I enjoy the holy heck out of summer and the opportunities to catch up on life a bit. August tires me out with the return of juggling two work schedules that often compete to see which will kill me first.

So, as I started to explain up there, I've had plenty to say in the past week, but every time I thought about putting any of it down in a hopefully coherent manner, I just didn't. There have been things in the news that have alternately tickled me, saddened me or infuriated me...yet nothing. Life in general at my house has been frustrating, looney or interesting and still no blog. I've had my soapbox all at the ready, then I couldn't find the ladder to climb up on it. Did anyone's Mama ever tell you the age-old wisdom "If you don't have something nice to say, don't say anything at all"? (or to paraphrase, if tact escapes you, shut the hell up until you can make it funny, sarcastic or at times purely offensive) I have not had the tact I needed for the past week and a half to do more than comment here and there.

This piece of literary mastery will be a wandering pile of goo. Please keep all hands and feet inside the blog until it comes to a complete stop so that no one suffers brain freeze and to make sure any important appendage is not cut off. I have no idea where it may be headed. It may be like unedited video of a slow speed chase on FOX News. The author will not be held responsible for any lingering night terrors from it's reading.

Moving on...in the past week, I have been reading blogs. You know...it occurred to me, I'm always so happy to see Spring arrive each year. The weather improves, the winter doldrums fade and the sap begins to rise...literally...online and off. Everyone starts to go on the prowl. It's like a switch goes off and a giant neon sign goes ups and says "LET THE FLIRTING BEGIN"!

And it was so. Even those that might have attachments are feeling good. New connections form, hope is high. Then BLAM, the dog days of summer come around a couple of months later and the trouble begins. The days are hot and long and everyone starts to lose their everlovin' minds.

People start to turn on each other. Men and women who just a couple of months ago were in "love/online lust" with each other, whether they meet or not in real life, suddenly decide they were actually communicating with the devil/devilette themselves. They then proceed to either moan about it ad nauseum and declare they were innocent parties in the mess, try to rally friends or turn into psychotic stalkers from purgatory.

The summer heat obviously turns some people into nutcases. Personally, I'm always a nutcase. I've found it more relaxing to have lost my mind and don't look for it anymore. I do avoid drama...but will however, if you're acting ridiculous, give my opinion either in public comment or private if you post a blog about it. Something to remember...if you don't want an honest opinion, don't ask the question or post the trauma/drama/baby's mama stuff to begin with for everyone to see. The world is not filled with yes people that will kiss the ground you walk on. Grow the hell up and move on if something doesn't work out...or at least suffer in silence or privately with a few good friends (GRITS girls are smart women I've found) until you can be rational.

Random thought...In a stunning display of bi-partisan cooperation, the Oklahoma legislature has made watermelon their state VEGETABLE. Makes sense, they already had a state fruit, so they made their own rules. The governor instructed the state Dept. of Agriculture to respond to the question of whether a watermelon is a fruit or vegetable only with the answer "yes". Now why aren't these forward thinking people running the entire country?? True story.

Note to self...make sure to keep educating Yankees with quaint Southern expressions they might not have heard before. When I was in NY a week ago, in passing the Yankee and I were discussing Heidi Fleiss (don't ask, remember...I talk a LOT...I can't remember how the subject came up)...anyway, I made the statement that she looks like she's "been ridden hard and put up wet". Obviously, since he about wrecked the car laughing, this phrase is not used often in social circles in CT. It may be now.*grin* It has come to my attention they don't know what activity "shinin' belt buckles" entails (also now a term that is recognized), but I'm doing my part to spread Southern charm northward.

Moving right along...it's almost football time in the South. Anyone with a half a brain knows that college football down here is a religion unto itself. We definitely take sides, hold grudges and at times will not talk to neighbors or family members who are mis-guided enough to follow and support the wrong team, for months on end...unless our team beats the snot out of their team, that is. Then it is perfectly acceptable to rub their noses in the loss for the rest of their lives.

Years ago, I committed the cardinal sin. Not only did I schedule my wedding day on the opening day of Deer Season (my future brother-in-laws spent the morning up a tree before climbing into their formal gear), but it was also a UGA home game. For penance, I was sentenced to cook lunch for the prospective hubby BEFORE we could go get married in that big ole church wedding. Hmmmm...should have seen the bad omen then? My bad!! I also participate in several fantasy boards (for sports, get your minds out of the gutter). I'm darned good and win the season a good bit of the time on all male boards. Yes, before anyone asks...I was a cheerleader and a marching band geek.

No, I will not share the pictures.

Okay, I could go on (and on and on). It seems when I do start typing and talking, it's hard to stop...but I'll save some of my random-ness for another day. (no...get up off your knees, quit begging...anticipation is good for the soul and builds character...so I've heard) You never know what I might come up with next...sex advice, relationship common sense, movie reviews, sarcasm, the next great novel...well, you get the idea. You'll just have to tune in later to find out where the ball bounces next.

Now quit peeking and go about your business!! You don't want to explore my brain without a tour guide...it's a scary place without sub-titles!

Hope you've all had a great week so far! Try to stay out of the heat. Well, try to stay out of the outdoor kind that causes heatstroke anyway, I'd suggest indoor activities! Any other heat source you find is fair game.