Things that Go Bump In the Night - October 30, 2006

When it appears that you have killed the monster,

NEVER check to see if it's really dead.

NEVER read a book of demon summoning aloud, even as a joke.

Do not search the basement, especially if the power has gone out.

When you have the benefit of numbers,

NEVER pair off and go it alone.

As a general rule, don't solve puzzles that open portals to Hell.

Never stand in, on, or above a grave, tomb, or crypt.

This would apply to any other house of the dead as well.

If you're searching for something which caused a loud noise

and find out that it's just the cat, GET THE HECK OUT!

If appliances start operating by themselves,

do not check for short circuits; just get out!

Do not take ANYTHING from the dead.

If you find a town which looks deserted,

there's probably a good reason for it.

Don't stop and look around.

Don't fool with recombinant DNA technology

unless you're sure you know what you're doing.

If you're running from the monster,

expect to trip or fall down at least twice.

Also note that, despite the fact

that you are running and the monster is merely shambling along,

it's still moving fast enough to catch up with you.

Camp Counselors have a dramatically reduced life cycle.

Remember to ask about the camp's "Death and Dismemberment"

benefits before accepting a summer assignment.

Oh, it doesn't hurt to skip the skinny dipping either,

you're just ASKING for trouble!

Stay away from certain geographical locations,

some of which are listed here:

Amityville, Elm Street, Transylvania, Nilbog (you're in trouble if you recognize this one),

the Bermuda Triangle, or any small town in Maine.

If your car runs out of gas at night on a lonely road,

do not go to the nearby deserted looking house to phone for help.

If you think that it is strange because you thought you had 3/4 of a tank,

You're in trouble.

You are going to die anyway, and most likely be eaten.

Beware of strangers bearing strange tools.

For example: chainsaws, staple guns, hedge trimmers,

electric carving knives, combines, lawnmowers,

butane torches, soldering irons, band saws,

or any devices made from deceased companions.

If your companions suddenly begin to exhibit uncharacteristic behavior

such as hissing, facination for blood, glowing eyes, increasing hairiness, and so on...

GET AWAY from them as quickly as you can!

If you find that: a. your house is built upon or near a cemetery,
b. was once a church that was used for black masses,
c. had previous inhabitants who went mad or committed suicide or died in some horrible fashion, or
d. had inhabitants who performed satanic practices in your house,
MOVE AWAY IMMEDIATELY!!

DUH!!!!!!!!!!!!

This has been a common sense
Public Service Announcement
Brought to you by Sassy...

Can't be too careful, you know!!




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HAPPY MISCHIEF DAY!
TRY to behave!
*or not*

(Remember, if you can't be good...
be good AT it!)