Yesterday we discussed new drugs we want developed for the females.
Today, in honor of HUMPday...we pay tribute to the "miracle" drug of the century, VIAGRA!! Forget penicillin (well, maybe not...it might come in handy if your viagra habit gets out of hand...gets out of HAND, get it?? *wink*)....this wonder drug has revolutionized the idea of not aging gracefully, but instead, going out with a bang!!
So, with no further ado...Let's give Viagra the attention it so richly deserves! Remember, any erection lasting more than 4 hours MIGHT need immediate attention...hmmmmm...ya think?? (I do still have that nurse costume left over from Halloween) Or a standing ovation!! *wink*
Questions to Ponder about Viagra
If a man overdoses on Viagra, how do they get the casket lid shut?
If the insurance companies are going to set guidelines before approving Viagra coverage, what are they going to use? A growth chart?
I dropped a Viagra in a jar of small sweet pickles last night and this morning had a jar full of big Kosher dills.
If I give my computer monitor Viagra, will the screen get bigger?
I would only take Viagra for intellectual purposes, so my head would swell.
Before Viagra, for some people, making love was classified as"assault with a dead weapon."
Viagra Falls, the new waterfall that flows upward.
Viagra, medicine's version of "MIRACLE-GRO."
Mix Viagra and Prozac and you have a guy who is ready to go, but doesn't really care where.
Are you taking Viagra or are you just happy to see me?
If however you do need to take Viagra, remember to swallow them quickly otherwise you'll get a stiff neck.
A shipment of Viagra was highjacked today. Police have put out an All-Points bulletin: Be on the lookout for two hardened criminals!
They will face a stiff sentence when convicted and they'll surely be sent to a Penal Institution.
Did you hear about Levi's new jeans for Baby Boomer men?.... They come with just a "Viagra" more room.
For women not-in-the-mood, California bars now have Viagra-free zones.
Scientists developed the idea for Viagra after studying President Clinton's DNA.
And the New Viagra SMILEY FACE :---)
VIAGRA CAUSES PANIC
WASHINGTON, DC (DPI) --
Viagra, the new pill for impotence approved by the Food and Drug Administration on Friday, is already causing problems across the country. The FDA had said a man would need to by sexually aroused before the drug would work, but apparently failed to consider that most men walk around in a constant state of sexual arousal. Several disasters or near-disasters have already been reported:
In Boise, a passenger plane skidded off the runway after the pilot's erection inadvertently hit the button that causes the landing gear to retract.
In San Bernardino County, outside of Los Angeles, a 17-car pileup occurred when trucker Dirk Diggler apparently lost control of his rig, blocking his vision and causing him to also lose control of his truck.
FDA Spokesperson Bonnie Thurston commented, "There's no limit to the damage that this pill could cause. We've got to make sure it doesn't fall into the wrong hands, like President Clinton's, for example, of we could have a potential nuclear mistake."
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Top Ten Slogans Currently Being Considered by Viagra
10. "Viagra. The quicker dicker upper."
9. "One-a-day, like iron."
8. "Get a piece of the rock."
7. "You've come a long way, baby."
6. "Viagra, it plumps when you take 'em."
5. "Strong enough for a man, but made for a woman."
4."Tastes great, more filling."
3. "Viagra, built ram tough."
2. "Here's the beef!"
and the number one slogan being considered by Viagra:
1. Just do her!
Some honorable mentions:
"We work harder, so you don't have to."
"Ten inches long... and growing."
"Viagra, when it absolutely, positively has to be there tonight."
"Viagra, home of the whopper."
"Viagra, now is a great time to be silver."
"This is your penis. This is your penis on Viagra. Any questions?"
"Give her a BIG surprise tonight!"
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Suggestions for Viagra Theme Songs...
I am a Rock -- Paul Simon
Suddenly -- B. Ocean
A Hard Days Night -- The Beatles
Please Mr. Postman
Can't Buy Me Love (Now you can) -- The Beatles
Do That To Me One More Time (Over and over again!) -- Captain and Tenille
Everlasting Love (Literally!)-- The Bee Gees
Take Me Out To The Ballgame
Let Your Love Flow -- L. E. Williams
Longer -- Dan Fogelberg
No Ordinary Love -- Sade
Help Me Make It Through the Night
Love Takes Time (about an hour wait - according to Pfizer) -- Mariah Carey
The Power of Love -- Celine Dion
The Things We Do For Love -- 10CC
We've Only Just Begun -- Paul Williams
Have You Never Been Mello -- Kris Kristofferson
Girls Just Want To Have Fun -- Cindy Lauper
When I'm 64 -- The Beatles
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