Politically Correct Descriptions Of Men
How to talk about men and still be politically correct...
He is not a: Bad dancer
He is: Overly Caucasian
He does not: Hog the blankets
He is: Thermally unappreciative
He is not: Unsophisticated
He is: Socially malformed
He does not: Eat like a pig
He suffers from: Reverse bulimia
He is not: A sex machine
He is: Romantically automated
He is not a: Male chauvinist pig
He has: Swine empathy
He is not: Quiet
He is a: Conversational minimalist
He does not have a: Beer gut
He develops a: Liquid grain storage facility
You do not: Undress him with your eyes
You have a: Introspective pornographic moment
He is not: Afraid of commitment
He is: Monogamously challenged
He does not have a: Fabulous rear end
He has achieved: Buttocks perfection
He is not: Stupid
He suffers from: Minimal cranial development
He does not: Get lost all the time
He discovers: Alternative destinations
He is not: Balding
He is in: Follicle regression
You do not: Buy him a drink
You initiate an: Alcohol-For-Conversation exchange
He does not: Fart and belch
He is: Gastronomically expressive
His jeans are not: Too tight
He is: Anatomically under circulated
He is not a: Redneck
He is a: Genetically-related American
You do not: Kiss him
You become: Facially conjoined
He is not a: Cradle robber
He prefers: Generationally differential relationships
He does not get: Falling down drunk
He becomes: Accidentally horizontal
He does not: Act like a total ass
He develops a: Case of rectal-cranial inversion
He is not: Short
He is: Anatomically compact
He does not have a: Rich daddy
He is a: Recipient of Parental Asset Infusion
He does not: Constantly talk about cars
He has a: Vehicular addiction
He does not have a: Hot body
He is: Physically combustible
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Politically Correct Descriptions Of Women
How to talk about women and still be politically correct...
She Does Not: Get PMS
She Becomes: Hormonally Homicidal
She Does Not: Have a Killer Body
She Is: Terminally Attractive
She Is Not: A Bad Cook
She Is: Microwave Compatible
She Is Not: A Bad Driver
She Is: Automotively Challenged
She Is Not: A Perfect 10
She Is: Numerically Superior
She Is Not: Easy
She Is: Horizontally Accessible
She Does Not: Hate Sports on TV
She Is: Athletically Biased
She Does Not Have: Sexy Lips
She Is: Collagen Dependant
She Does Not: Get Drunk
She Is: Accidentally Over-served
You Do Not: Ask Her to Dance
You Request A: Pre-Coital Rhythmic Experience
She Does Not: Work-out Too Much
She Is An: Abdominal Overachiever
She Is Not A: Gossip
She Is A: Verbal Terminator
She Does Not Have: A Great Butt
She Is: Gluteus to the Maximus
She Is Not: Hooked on Soap Operas
She Is: Melodramatically Fixated
She Is Not: Cold or Frigid
She Is: Thermally Incompatible
She Does Not: Wear too much Make-up
She Is: Cosmetically Saturated
She Does Not Have: Great Cleavage (A Great Rack)
Her Breasts Are: Centrally Located
She Will Never: Gain Weight
She Will Become: A Metabolic Underachiever
She Is Not: A Screamer or a Moaner
She Is: Vocally Appreciative
She Does Not: Shave her Legs (or other parts *wink*)
She Experiences: Temporary Stubble Reduction
She Does Not Have: A Hard Body
She Is: Anatomically Inflexible
She Does Not: Sunbathe
She Experiences: Solar Enhancement
Her Breasts will Never: Sag
They Will: Lose Their Vertical Hold
She Does Not: Shop Too Much
She Is: Overly Susceptible to Marketing Ploys
She Does Not: Cut You Off
She Becomes: Horzontially Inaccessible
She Does Not Have: Big Hair
She Is: Overly Aerosoled
She Does Not: Snore
She Is: Nasally Repetitive
She Does Not: Get Drunk
She Becomes: Verbally Dyslexic
She Does Not: Have Big Hooters
Her: Cups Runneth Over
She Is Not: Too Skinny
She is: Skeletally Prominent
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Last, but not least (but probably as much nonsense, but with a personal spin)....
I'll try to stay in the "PC" mode here and put a little different spin on the traditional blog tags...
SIX Things to Ponder Before Getting to Know Me...
1. I have talented toes...my feet are also Ambedexrious. (can come in "handy" at times!)
2. I am extremely "Vocally Appreciative". (What a surprise! )
3. I VERY rarely become "Hormonally Homicidal"...instead of PMS, I tend to have Overactive Horniness Syndrome or OHS *even more than usual* that has been actually been marked down on former partner's calendars each month....either as a warning or promise. (Disclaimer: When it occurs at a time when there is no available outlet however, I "may" become a wall climber and have LOTS of "Introspective Pornographic Moments" with "Physically Combustible" Men)
4. I am not "Overly Susceptible to Marketing Ploys", in fact I hate to shop most of the time...but do have times where I'll binge. *Usually occurs during the Disclaimer times of # 3*
5. My Cups runneth naturally over.
6. I am NOT "Athletically Biased", but instead a sports junkie and tomboy...and also love to have "Pre-Coital Rhythmic Experiences" of the slow kind.
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