Remember the Island of Misfit Toys? "Nobody wants a CHARLEY in the Box!" My favorite part of Rudolph the Red Nosed Reindeer wasn't that Rudolph finally got to be one of the "gang", but that eventually the toys get to leave the island and live with kids who appreciate their differences and love them even if the toys aren't the norm.
This weekend as I went shopping for school clothes for myself and the kids, I became convinced that there must be a similar island called "The Island of the Girls with Hips," and it is only a matter of time before I'm taken in the night and forced to spend my life there. To top it off, I'LL have no hope for a happy ending.
I have hips. I want to make that clear up front. Protruding from either side of me, below my waist, are two bony knobs, which form what many doctors call "baby-bearing hips." These are obviously some sort of anomaly to the world, since at the mall this weekend I found NO clothes that recognized them as normal. I happen to have a decent size set of hooters, a small waist that flares down into actual HIPS! *gasp* I know...I'm Kat...and I have hips. It sounds like the start of a new support group to me.
Skinny little prepubescent females swarmed Hollister, Aeropostale, and American Eagle trying on "slim" pants, while I desperately searched for "big mama" pants that would go up past my thighs. I looked for skirts bigger than a postage stamp that would cover my who-ha, but was confronted instead by stretch pants and stick skirts.
Have you ever seen stretch pants on a girl with hips? No? Ever thought to wonder why? Helpful salespersons (that were about 12) suggested I try on larger and larger sizes to hide my "flaws". Eventually, I stopped by the grocery store, picked up some potato sacks and twist-ties, and went home. (well, not really...I still manage to not dress my age and probably never will, but STILL...it was tempting!)
Let me just put this straight out. I am not fat, I know this. In fact, I'm decently thin...BUT I have and have always had (since 5th grade) that hourglass shape that supposedly is so desirable, but no clothing manufacturer admits exists. Shopping for skirts, pants, dresses is a nightmare and there are certain stores that I walk into knowing I'll walk out of laughing hysterically after leaving the dressing room. Apparently designers do not believe in hips. I don't know if they have them or not, but I know that no one working in stores today are allowed to have them.
Despite the lack of hips, the clothing designers these days have NO lack of sex, in fact I'm thinking that some of them got their start from doing wardrobe in the porn industry. From shirts you can't dream of wearing unless your boobs don't bounce (did I mention I possess a set of those too?...natural good sized ones that actually move and aren't staple gunned to my chest), to skirts that make it illegal to sit down, they are selling sex. The tiny shirts that tie in the back may look cute but they bring out the devils in those of us who can't find strapless bras that fit us successfully. I offered one of my friends 25 bucks per string to untie one of these tops at his last Christmas party. The lure of $75 failed, but you get my point. Perhaps it wouldn't bother me so much if they sold sex to the people who really need sex.
Fourteen year olds with no boobs and no hips do not need sex, and they certainly don't need sexy clothing. They are gosh durn FOURTEEN friggin' years old. God has overrun them with hormones. Sexy clothing is like playing Russian Roulette with a semi automatic. Boys at 14 think that a girl looking at them for more than 5 seconds is sexy. (My own sons have a limited vocabulary of late that mainly includes the phrase..."Man, she's HOT" *rolling my eyes*) Is a see through shirt REALLY necessary? Those fourteen year olds have a lot of years before they hit our age, and they can just suffer with the same t-shirts and jeans we did. If we could get a date to prom wearing pastel striped sweaters, so can they.
Now I, and my fellow adult women in our prime, need more readily found sexy clothing designed for OUR bodies. We are looking down the barrels of our youth and know that unless we entrance men now, we're doomed. We have to catch these guys before the effects of gravity get any worse. Many of us have hips...AND *gasp*... boobs. We want to look cute and sexy too. I want to be able to flit around sexy men and make still make them occasionally drool (yes, before they are 80 and it's occuring from age). I want their eyes to bug out and stare. It would be nice to make a man feel 14 again, all nervous and shy and so amazed that this sexy woman is in his arms. Unfortunately, I can't find any sexy clothing because it's all made for little girls, who should be concentrating on their math final.
Why hasn't there been an outcry about this? Why haven't women gathered together and pleaded for clothes that adorn what used to be considered the most beautiful part of us -- our curves? After thinking about this, I've come up with only one conclusion. We're being eliminated.
Slowly, but surely, we're being taken out. We're off to the Island, and it's only a matter of time before they come and get us. Rather than making clothing for women that actually makes sense, they'd rather just hire professionals to kidnap us and get us out of the way. Then they can make all the sheath dresses, the hip-hugger pants, and the skimpy halter shirts they want. We won't be able to stop them. At least we'll never have to see Kate Moss again.
I, for one, am tired of walking into classes and seeing teenage girls dressed in things my mother would STILL chase me down and kill me for wearing. (Oh wait, she does still fuss about some of my wardrobe *wink*) My daughter knows better than to ask for some of these clothes. She has heard the speech a million times that she has her entire life to be an adult, but she isn't even close to that point now and isn't going to dress or act like one.
I've managed to develop my own style over the years and plan to stick to it, no matter how difficult the manufacturers and designers try to make us give up and go peacefully into old age. You're as sexy as you feel and think you are. Confidence shows and is devestatingly attractive without having to say a word.
The people that design clothes need to keep one thing in mind...just as Cathy Bates said in Fried Green Tomatoes..."Sorry girls, I'm older and I have more insurance" when she stole the parking spot from a couple of youngsters...I'M the one that is going to pay for these clothes and it would be in the best interest of your bottom line to make some things I can wiggle into AND still look like the sexy appealing woman I am...clothes that are actually designed for curves that move.
Okay men...What's YOUR preference in a woman?
What Do You Find More Sexy and Attractive?
Classically Tall Thin Women with Small Tits and Slim Hips
7
A Lush Woman with an Over Abundance of Curves that keep you warm at night
21
Somewhere in between, Hourglass Pin-up figures
37
Men with a great butt to hold onto (Ummm...sorry, that one was for me *wink*)
6
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