12 THINGS MEN REALLY FIND ROMANTIC - February 13, 2006

12 THINGS MEN REALLY FIND ROMANTIC

Let me start by saying...I don't really think the "idea" of one romantic day a year is a good thing. I believe to keep a relationship fresh, flourishing and always exciting, romantic or sexy thing should be done for each other year 'round. Spoil each other, surprise each other, pamper each other...take the time to make your partner feel sexy and special and it reaps a mulitude of rewards, both emotionally AND physically. These are only 12 ideas for romance...the possibilities are endless!

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FOR YOU, IT'S ROSES AND CANDLELIGHT. FOR HIM, IT'S A FEW WELL-CHOSEN WORDS--OR ACTIONS. ALL IT TAKES TO WOO A MODERN MAN.

MEN AREN'T SUPPOSED TO like romance, right?

Well, that's the theory, anyway.

In practice, men may not always like to call it romance (and hence identify themselves as sissies), but they feel the same yearning to connect that you do, to give and receive physical expressions of love and to continue the rituals of courtship long after the commitment's been cemented. In short, they want to romance you... and they secretly want you to romance them.

But as you're probably well aware, it's within the finer points of love that gender differences rear their ugly heads. When men are asked to define romance, they will typically use these words: mystery, intrigue, sensuality, lingerie, passion, and never-ending sex.


A half dozen words--

"I'm looking forward to making love"--will get his heart racing. The flowery stuff, the roses and candlelight, just isn't a guy thing. So skip the sweet little trappings and go for what's guaranteed to work:



1. Dress up for him

A long, long time ago, your husband bought you some lingerie. Remember? You wore it once or twice, then stuffed it deep in the back of a drawer. Well, the time has come to dig it out. Consider dressing for his tastes and not just yours once in a while. Take him shopping, and have him choose outfits he would like to see you in, or some lingerie he finds sexy.

If the idea of donning a Victoria's Secret number for your husband or boyfriend seems somehow tawdry, don't sweat it: Remember, you're doing this for him, not for you. Women should keep in mind that men are visually oriented. Trust me, men find it very romantic when you step wholeheartedly into their debauched little fantasy worlds. If they're hardwired to be turned on by visual cues, why not indulge them--and use it to your advantage?


2. Touch him all over, all the time

I'm not talking about sex, and I'm not talking about massage--just plain old run-of-the-mill touching. Whether you're playing footsie under the table or placing a hand on their shoulders while scooting behind their chairs, men find the touch of the woman they love unbelievably reassuring. In our treasured nonverbal language, it translates as: "I accept you...I love you...We're a team."

Again, this doesn't have to lead to anything but if it does, so much the better. Learn to love and appreciate all of your man's body. This will give you time to make him feel like you love every part of him. In other words, let your fingers do the talking.



3. Give him a night out with the boys--NO strings attached

It may seem odd to you that a romantic gesture might not involve you at all. But dogs run with dogs, wolves run with wolves, and every so often, guys just have to break away and run with the guys (drooling and howling optional).

All the married men I know miss those carefree nights out with the guys--a fact many of the married women I know find unnecessarily threatening. When they look back on their single days, it's the male companionship they miss, not the cornucopia of gorgeous single gals (okay, okay--the handful of pretty good-looking single gals). Honestly.

Now, maybe you have no problem with them stepping out occasionally for some beers with the pals. But--and this is the hard part--how can they possibly ask? At some earlier point in your relationship, remember, you accused them of choosing their friends over you, and now they're gun-shy about confessing a need to shoot pool with Bill, or see a ball game with Fred.
Make it easy for them, just once in a while, and they'll love you for it. Suggest he call up Fred for the ball game next Saturday and watch his eyes light up. As an over-the-top bonus, tell them they don't have to call at midnight to check in. It demonstrates trust, and it shows you're truly trying to make your partner happy, not just making an empty romantic gesture. Your gift won't be soon forgotten. After all, when as a wife you demonstrate new-girlfriend coolness, what could be more romantic than that?

4. Show up at his office

I don't mean that literally--showing up unannounced just as he's getting his head together for the Big Meeting can be catastrophically disruptive.

I mean it figuratively: Make your presence known throughout the day. I know, when we were just dating they tried to discourage you from calling them at work. Many single guys consider work a safe haven from the minefield of dating, and don't want that sacred space violated. In marriage, though, it's different: News from the home front serves as a nice reminder of what you're working for.

I think a man likes to hear that his wife loves him and misses him. Corny as it sounds, if the woman puts a note in his briefcase or calls him up at work just to say how much she's looking forward to making love that night, it can really make a guy's day. Be creative: Send him a suggestive E-mail from your office, leave a sexy message on his voice mail, or tuck a holiday picture of you in a thong bikini into his shirt pocket. They'll all send the desired message: "Think about me...l'm thinking about you."


5. Tell him what a big, strong guy he is
Men are famously incompetent at expressing themselves verbally...but that doesn't mean they don't appreciate hearing a little praise now and then. In particular, they draw a lot of their identity from their maleness. Nurturing their big-ape fantasies--me Tarzan, you Jane--lets them know you value them as males, which is somehow important to the continued production of testosterone. So tell your partner he makes you feel safe, thank him for working so hard (even if you're working just as hard), tell him you pity friends who don't have husbands like him.


A quick insight into men: They all want to be heroes. Remembering to compliment your spouse on being a great husband and father isn't always easy in the middle of a busy day, but it's a quick shortcut to making him feel wanted, needed, and loved, which is of course the ultimate point of any romantic gesture. And this positive reinforcement of your partner's good behavior will yield big dividends later, as he subconsciously tries to live up to your glowing appraisal.

Here's another secret: A solid pampering after a rough day at work is tough to beat in the area of tenderness. Yes, your days are nuts too, but the key to romantic gestures is to put the other person's needs 100 percent before your own. So if you know his day has been hell, why not give your partner a massage, set up a hot bath, a cold beer, and that novel he's been trying to read? What makes such royal treatment so romantic to a man is the way it reassures him you appreciate his hard work, and that you're proud of him. Married men often feel guilty about energy they devote to work. The post-hell-day back rub reassures us that everything's okay.


6. Engineer a break-the-routine date

Your weekly "date night" doesn't count. I'm talking about whisking him off for a weekend getaway, or getting a babysitter and surprising him after work with movie tickets. To make sure the evening works, try to determine what your relationship needs at the moment. Are you both overworked and feeling disconnected? Try a relaxing night at a local hotel. Getting bored with the daily grind?Take an exciting weekend someplace exotic but affordable. Once you determine the proper mood, make all the plans and pull the surprise.


Since one key detail is to make sure your partner doesn't make alternate plans, first lower his expectations by making a dreary-sounding appointment (your parents are in town?) he won't dare miss. He's mentally prepared for a dull, dutiful evening, you spring your romantic surprise: He'll be so relieved he can't help but have a good time.


Besides being great fun, this type of creative spontaneity is romantic because they find it disarmingly sweet when you go to a lot of trouble for them.



7. Make sex with him an event
Think surprise. Let him take a shower one evening after coming home exhausted, and emerge from the bathroom to find that you have made a bed on the living room floor out of couch cushions, pillows, and blankets. It gives the least sexy room in the house a very exciting, exotic feel--part hotel room, part pillow fort.


When married men say they miss the kind of sex they had in their single days--and they do say it to one another, even if they don't dare say it to you--this is what they're talking about. While single sex was full of wild abandon and the unknown, married sex gradually becomes more about comfort than passion, and once you know all each other's secrets, ruts become unavoidable unless you make a particular, focused effort to keep out of them.

The upshot: Break the routine. If you're in the habit of making love with the lights out, try keeping them on or illuminating the room with candles. Rent a blue movie, or get some massage oil and surprise him on the couch. Have a conversation with your partner and try to get at what some of his sexual fantasies are.

Don't do anything that makes you uncomfortable, or it'll backfire horribly. But making sex a celebratory event will show him in no uncertain terms that you think he's special.

8. Score him a pair of tickets to to the big game
Which would you rather receive from your partner: A weekend at a spa or a new set of cookware? The spa is by far the more romantic gift, if only because he doesn't stand to gain anything from it. Gifts that don't benefit the giver are somehow more pure because they demonstrate you only care about making your spouse happy. So when you're thinking gifts, try not to think about what you'd like to get him, but what he'd like to receive.

Most men and women have very different tastes in movies, and usually make the mistake of always trying to rent movies both wanted to see. Sounds logical, but then all you ever rented were middle-of-the-road videos that didn't offend either. One never got to see the special-effects thrillers they really wanted, and the other never got to see the teary romances they were interested in (for whatever bizarre reason). Try instead alternating movie picks, allowing both of you to see the movies you really want to see at only the small cost of sitting through each other's favorites.

What's my point? It can be exhausting trying to be clones of each other. One of men's fears going into marriage is that they'll be molded into Bland Married Guy. When you reward his individuality by paying attention to his quirky preferences, even when they clash with your own, you ease this fear and reassure him you're not trying to change him. Presto: instant intimacy.


9. Show interest in his outside life


We live in a fast-paced world, and Lord knows it's easy enough to get wrapped up in our own routines. But finding ways to let a man know you care about all aspects of his life, not just the parts he shares with you, is a great way to show you love the whole man. Shoot him a few well directed questions about work to help him unwind, surprise him with a book relating to a hobby, track down a Web site that deals with some problem he's having--all are touching gestures I guarantee will be well received.

Getting him out of a jam with family and friends--or simply having a little foresight in the area of personal relations--can have the same effect. Tread carefully, though: Somewhere there's a line between helping and meddling.



10. Tell him a secret

Men want to be soul mates too. Telling him a secret--symbolically letting him deeper inside you--demonstrates total trust in him and faith in your relationship. Because you're making yourself vulnerable, it's an incredible bonding experience. What works just as well: Encourage him to tell you a secret or two. And don't laugh.

11. Slow down dinner

Sure, the idea that the way to a man's heart is through his stomach is a cliche. But it reached such status for a reason: It works. And it's tough to miss the basic, underlying romantic symbolism of cooking for your man: You satisfy his hunger, his craving.

The nineties version of cooking as romance, it seems to me, is to use an elaborate meal as a way to slow things down. Start with wine, end with coffee, and divide even the most mundane meal into courses--first the macaroni, then the cheese *wink*--thereby delaying your husband's gratification and whetting his appetite. Slowing down the meal not only makes the food taste better and gives you more time to talk, but it returns a sense of ceremony to the meal, turning it into a kind of date. Your partner can't help but sit up, tuck in, and take notice.

12. Do a sexy little bump-and-grind striptease

One night surprise you partner with either a special costume OR just sit him down, put on
music, and give him the lap dance of his life. Practice beforehand if you think you'll
be nervous or rent a tape to give yourself pointers if you want them. If you're feeling really
brave, some local "gentleman's clubs" give monthly lessons in the art of stripping. Not only
is it good exercise, it will do wonders for your relationship. The fact that you've taken the
time to plan and perform for him will thrill him and is guaranteed to produce not only an
exciting night, but he'll have a glow for days thinking of it.

SO, it's simple really. Practice and include romance all year long in your relationship. Use your imagination, make him feel special and wanted, not taken for granted. It's so easy to lose track of each other with busy schedules and long work hours. You have to keep that spark fanned and glowing...not just on those so-called "romantic" times of the year...but always.

A little bonus...start out both your days with this special smoothie. That way when you're in the mood from all this romance...you'll both be tasting SO good. No excuse for not pampering him with a terrific blow job that you'll want every drop of...OR giving your lady those mind blowing orgasms she adores. *wink* Have fun!




Super Smoothie To Ensure You are Good to the Last Drop

1 cup pineapple, fresh or canned
1 banana, frozen
1 cup apple juice
1/2 tsp ginger
1/2 tsp cinnamon
1/4 tsp nutmeg
1/2 tsp vanilla extract
2 TBS honey

Optional ingredients: 1 raw egg white,
2 TBS wheat germ,
2 TBS flax seed,
1 shot wheatgrass juice


Blend all ingredients in a blender until smooth.
Drink immediately.
Repeat daily for best results.